Tales of the Parodyverse

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MangaCool Jason
Thu Jan 15, 2004 at 06:20:57 pm EST
Subject
The Search, an amusing one-shot short story.
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WARNING: This story is for amusement only. Sorry if it offends anyone, cause I tend to do that from time to time. Also sorry if I made a mockery of any PV institutions. Please don't kill me.




The Search


    A loud knock echoed through a heavy twelve foot wooden double set of doors of a huge mansion. It was a very large building carved from solid blocks of stone, and set with tall, stained glass windows which informed of the high-ceilinged rooms within. It spanned the width and depth of an average high school, only with much more prestige and class.

    An aging butler opened one of the two doors and looked over the woman who had pounded the door with the solid iron knocker a moment earlier. She wore black boots. blue jeans, a buttonless dark red shirt, and a soft black leather jacket, and dark wraparound sunglasses. Long black hair cascaded down just past her shoulders. Her face had a blank expression as she stared curiously at the butler.

    "Can I help you, madam?" the butler asked. He looked past her, noting a Mercedes parked outside with a man behind the wheel.
    
    "I'm a police detective from Garden City," she said in a soft, calming voice. "I'd like to ask a question or two."

    He frowned. "Are you aware that this is a secret organization?"
    
    Without speaking a word, Keiko handed the butler a business card. It read 'The Hooded Hood, Lair Legion Member', and listed the address of the building she stood in front of at that moment.

    "I see," the butler mumbled. He handed the card back to the woman and looked up. "And your name would be?"

    "Keiko," she said in the same soft voice. "My partner Sean will be joining me."

    "Very good," he said, "I will inform Mr. Hood of your arrival."
    
    Several more minutes passed, but Keiko stood patiently waiting. She knew from the external scale of the building that an old butler wouldn't be able to navigate such a large place quickly. It would naturally take time.

    He returned much more quickly than Keiko estimated. The door opened again and he waved Keiko inside. She delayed a moment as she gestured to Sean and waited for him to follow.

    The two followed the butler into a large hall, big enough to rival the size of a large hotel lobby. Balconies were visible three levels up from the entry hall, and stairs connected them. An elevator was dead center.

    "You may call me Sir Wilton," the butler said.
    
    Keiko froze, and the old man did as well. It was at that moment she realized that he was not a butler at all. "Pleased to meet you," she said with a quick smile.

    Sir Wilton pointed at an open doorway. "Mr. Hood is in the Library."
    
    "Thank you." Keiko looked at Sean, who shrugged. She led him quietly through the doorway...

    ...and found it odd that next to the door was a tag detector, used by retail stores to prevent shoplifting. A few feet away was a desk, and behind it sat an old lady with curly hair, thick glasses and wearing a sweater. The old lady had a stack of books in front of her, and she was carefully opening each one, removing a small paper card, and transferring each to separate piles.

    "Geez. When he said 'library'," Sean pointed out. He stopped there as he glanced at a row of shelves with placards listing categories such as 'Romance' and 'Reference' along with Dewey Decimal numbers.

    "Shhh!" the old lady at the desk insisted.
    
    Keiko looked at Sean and frowned. "Did she just 'shush' you?" she whispered.
    
    Sean tugged at Keiko's jacket and urged her to keep moving. "Don't make an issue of it. Let's go."

    At one point they passed a large, free-standing rack that said 'Comics' on one side and 'Manga' on the other. Keiko froze in place as she passed the second rack, and tugged hard at Sean's arm. He looked at her and noticed that her eyes were wide and her mouth was left hanging open.
    
    Sean glanced down the aisle and noticed what seemed to be a walking gelatinous blob leafing through the 'Manga' section. Just like Keiko, he found himself without words, so he tugged at her arm to keep her moving by.

    "We've got to get out of Paradopolis," Keiko whispered, shaking her head. "It's definately the weirdo capital of the world."

    "Shhh!" the old lady scolded, more insistently this time.
    
    Keiko turned around and frowned. "What the hell...? Stop following us, you old hag!"

    The old lady didn't answer, she just frowned, gave them a disapproving look, and walked by quietly mumbling something about people lacking proper manners.

    Ahead of them was a long table with several desk lamps on it. Facing away from them, sitting on one side of the table, was a man wearing a hood. Keiko and Sean looked at each other, wondering if finding 'Mr. Hood' was indeed so obvious.

    "Mr. Hood?" Keiko asked. She took her sunglasses off and sat down across from him just as he looked up. Sean sat next to her. "I'm Keiko. This is my partner Sean."

    "Pleased to meet you," he whispered as he closed the book he was reading. "I am the Hooded Hood. I hear you wish to ask me questions?"

    "Yes. About a man who calls himself Nats," she said. As the old lady walked by again, Keiko paused to give her an icy look until she was gone. "He's been jailed in Garden City for attempting to recruit evil minions."

    "That's against the law?" the Hooded One asked, his head tilted questioningly.

    "It is in Garden City," Sean volunteered. "It dates back to the early days of organized crime. It's a long story, really--"

    "What in holy hell is that?" Keiko asked suddenly. He pointed at a reptillian looking creature walking between two bookshelves.

    "That's just Finny," the Hooded Hood replied. "He's a--"
    
    "I don't want to know." Keiko frowned and took a deep breath. "The faster I get out of this crazy city the better."

    "Shhhh!!" the old lady insisted, sounding angrier this time.
    
    "If you shush me again, old hag--" Keiko drew a knife from her belt and frowned as she pointed it in the old lady's direction. "--I'm going to carve a permanent hole in your goddamn neck, and you'll make that noise all the time for the rest of your life!"

    Sean sunk slowly in his seat as all of the people Keiko would have liked to have ignore her were suddenly giving the table their undivided attention. "Keiko please--" he lowered his voice down to a barely audible whisper. "Don't anger them."
    
    "Right. Sorry." Keiko waved at the reptillian and the walking blob, giving them both a quick smile. Once they turned their attention elsewhere she aimed another question at the Hooded Hood. "We heard Nats had recently been kicked out of the Lair Legion, is that true?"

    "I'm afraid so," the Hood replied. "He and Goldeneyed had a terrible row."
    
    "And where is this Goldeneyed? Can I talk to him?" Keiko asked hopefully.
    
    He shook his head. "Sadly, he's had a mild nervous breakdown. He's been confined to bed."

    Sean nudged Keiko suddenly and pointed at someone. "Why is she dressed like Zorro?"
    
    "Sean, there is a giant lizard, a horrible gelatinous blob, and a crazy old lady with a death wish in here," Keiko replied. She pointed at the desk. "This is a private library, and people are checking out seven day books! Let this woman dress like Zorro if she pleases."

    "Perhaps I can satisfy your curiosity," the old man Keiko met earlier, Sir Wilton, announced as he sat down next to the Hooded Hood. He held a walking stick.

    The old lady appeared behind Sir Wilton and leaned over him. "Shhh!" she said.

    "Oh, go away, you old bat!" Sir Wilton warned as he waved the walking stick in her direction. He placed it on the table once the old lady was a good distance away. "You see, the Legion often entertains guests. Not all of them were honest enough to return books to their rightful place, so this is the result."

    "Not to be rude, Sir Wilton," Keiko said, "But I'm not terribly interested in the how or why of this library, or how that old hag managed to get a job. I'm here to find out information about this guy who calls himself Nats. He claims he had to raise evil minions to get back his--"

    She interrupted herself as she looked at the walking stick Sir Wilton had placed on the table, and continued, "--walking stick."

    "Yes, well, it is rather important to him." He laughed as he took out a pipe and quickly lit it with some pleasant smelling sort of incense.

    "There's no smoking!" the old lady scolded.
    
    "Oh, shut it!" Sir Wilton said. The old lady simply frowned and walked away.

    Keiko tilted her head slightly and looked at Sir Wilton. "Are you subtly suggesting I return this walking stick to him?"

    "I suggest, dear lady, that you encourage Nats to return here to retrieve his walking stick. Sans minions. Both of our problems would be solved."

    She looked at Sean. "Sounds reasonable."
    
    Sean nodded. "I'd have to ask the boss. He'll probably go for it, Nats has been nothing but trouble."

    "He earns that reputation wherever he travels," Sir Wilton laughed. "You're from Japan, correct?"

    "Kyoto." she nodded. "But I was mostly educated here."
    
    "Of course, of course." He puffed on his pipe once. "That accounts for the interesting inflection of your accent."

    She stood and smiled briefly. "Thank you for your help. We'll try and send Nats back for his walking stick."

    Sir Wilton stood as well and gave Keiko a short, traditional Japanese bow.
Keiko smiled and gave one in return.

    "I haven't seen anyone do that in ages," she said.
    
    "Then you, my dear, should spend more time among the better educated." He smiled and turned to leave the library. "I trust you can show yourselves out."

    Naturally, Keiko and Sean, who just realized they had been abandoned by the Hooded Hood upon Sir Wilton's arrival raced out of the library quickly, lest they meet with the obnoxious librarian, the reptile, or the blob again before they managed to make their escape.

    Once finally outside, they collectively sighed in relief.
    
    "I hope I don't have to come back here again," Keiko said.
    
    Sean nodded in agreement as they quickly drove away, headed back home.


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2004 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- World Class and all characters therein are property of
-- Strike Two and Jason Froikin.
    
To the Spirit of the Night, I surrender...


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